When I quit smoking I really had no firm idea of how long I would be smoke free though; I dreamed of a lifetime of denial of this pleasure. Yesterday I started smoking again. As I stated in my blog about quitting, I quit solely as a personal protest against a joy, not for any typical reasons people quit for. Just to give you a bit of insight into my journey … the first day I quit, I also fasted for 24 hours. I consumed no food or water. Two weeks later I fasted for another 24 hours only drinking water.
I have gained some wisdom over this past month. I have really seen the dark lord’s power for one thing. Since my protest is rooted in the physical world but against the spiritual world, I have had a difficult time with the climb to spiritual understanding and battling for the upper hand. If you don’t happen to be a particularly spiritual person, what I am saying may be like listening to a person speaking a foreign language and that is fine for you: I believe we all have our path to follow in this world and you are part of this world. Since I happen to be a deeply spiritual person, I need to be in control of my mind. During this past month, I have lost the grip on my mind. I have fought tooth and nail for that control but, there are powers stronger than me. I have a great deal of will power and though I try to be more than human in my strength, I am still but a man.
I use smoke to aid my calm resolve against the dark one. By that I mean that; if I have a clear mind because of a tool so I can see the adversary coming from afar off, I can prepare my defense. This past month, my mind has been covered in a deep fog so much so that; I could not prepare for the continuous assault of the enemy nor see where the blows where coming from. I could not think because I could not see the key to open the door of thought.
There is a future application to what I have done this past month and I accept it with trepidation. We all come from different backgrounds and different beliefs. You can make up what you perceive is truth and read my words through your own lens of reality; that is where you are and I hold no ill will towards you. You may not understand these ideas from the mist nor the Siren’s cry but, as always, I am here for you when you need a friend.~b